Dear Reader, my apologies for the stunning revelation regarding the upcoming cataclysmic drop in the value of gold. I realize that my fellow gold bugs will be reaching for some form of chemical assistance to help them regain their composure after contemplating the implications of the title of my commentary. Gold bugs, I am sure, will scour my words to find evidence in my analysis that my statement is entirely incorrect.
How many times in history has conventional wisdom been spectacularly wrong?
Sadly for gold investors my source for this horrific news is unimpeachable. It was none other than Gustavo Laframboise-Pierre, the renowned Director of Statistical Creation at the European Central Bank [ECB] who provided me with this astounding information. This insight was confirmed when Gustavo and I attended the most recent and most secret annual 'Conference of Central Bankers' hosted by the US Federal Reserve and held at the United States Bullion Depository [AKA: Fort Knox].
Believe the "experts" at your own peril
Before you dismiss the possibility of a radical plunge in the price for gold as the most inflammatory form of financial fear mongering, before you blindly accept the conventional wisdom that gold is a Safe-haven investment, I would urge you to consider how many times in history has conventional wisdom as shaped by our leaders, economists, bankers, analysts, pundits and experts been spectacularly wrong. Believe the "experts" at your own peril".
Peace for our time
To aid your journey down memory lane on the topic of conventional wisdom let me give you a sample of a Google search of the term 'when conventional wisdom was spectacularly incorrect':
"At this juncture, the impact on the broader economy and financial markets of the problems in the subprime market seems likely to be contained." - Fed chairman, Ben Bernanke, Congressional testimony, March, 2007
"The United States are nearer to the final triumph over poverty than ever before in the history of any land." Herbert Hoover 1928
"Stock prices have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." Irving Fisher (economist), 15th October 1929
"It is hard for us, without being flippant, to even see a scenario within any kind of realm of reason that would see us losing one dollar in any of these Credit Default Swap transactions." Joseph Cassano (Head of Financial Products at AIG), 2007
"My good friends, for the second time in our history, a British Prime Minister has returned from Germany bringing peace with honor. I believe it is Peace for our time...Go home and get a nice quiet sleep." The preceding is the wording of a printed statement that Neville Chamberlain waved as he stepped off the plane on 30 September, 1938 after the Munich Conference had ended the day before:
All I ask is that you allow yourself to be open minded
Approximately 3.3 billion additional examples of wrongheaded conventional wisdom and our experts being wildly incorrect can be found via Google. All I ask is that you allow yourself to be open minded as you consider what I am about to say. Dear Reader, at this point I have no doubt that you have a number of questions such as:
Why would I, an aspiring journalist/economist with a history of drug and alcohol abuse, a rather checkered personal financial history and very spotty curriculum vitae, be allowed to be an attendee at a super-secret conference of Central Bankers?
What is the startling information that proves that the price of gold will fall lower than "a snakes belly in a wagon-rut?"
Why would the meeting be held at Fort Knox?
Let me respond to these questions in brief and at length to give credence to the sad reality that "good as gold" will be nothing more than an amusing anachronism and a cautionary tale for those who would like to believe that there are certain inalienable unequivocal unshakable truisms in the investment and financial universe.
What is an Idiotocracy
Simply put, Gold investors will become 'Roadkill' as our current economic structure completes its metamorphosis from a capitalist system within a democratic government into an 'Idiotocracy' [An 'Idiotocracy', when applied to government, is a system of regulation or government, controlled by money, run by useful idiots for the benefit of the few at the expense of the many.
What it is about gold that makes us believe it has value?
First let us quickly agree on what it is about gold that makes us believe it has value [other than being somewhat scarce, pretty, and possessing an interesting atomic structure]. Dear reader, I apologize in advance for the upcoming 50 words that one might feel are somewhat punctilious. The words are necessary to ensure we are all on the same page as I prove that your hordes of gold will soon have the same value as your "Beanie Baby" collection.
"The biggest issue driving speculation in gold is that the fiat system has completely severed its ties with gold and the medium of exchange is now shifted on printed paper backed by people's perception of a country's economic health. Since gold was once used as a primary medium of exchange through the ages, combined with its characteristics, it is traded as a commodity and its value rise and falls opposite to the value of most global currencies. The value of gold now depends on the supply and demand of speculators buying it as a hedge to a weakening currency or an economic collapse. Ultimately, the perception of the herd is what dictates the value of commodities." [The Econtrader ]
His rather grubby life took a turn for the better
Now that we are on the same page vis-à-vis gold and why it is perceived as valuable, I believe you are sufficiently prepared for the bad news that is about to follow. Let me now answer your questions.
First let me explain how I, an aspiring journalist/economist/ barista with a fondness for Jack Daniels became privy to information that will change the course of history. My entrée into the exclusive world of central bankers was provided by my friendship with none other than Gustavo Laframboise-Pierre, the Global Director of Statistical Creation at the European Central bank. My relationship with Gustavo traced its roots back to my time on Wall Street where I self-medicated my way through a career in financial services. Gustavo plied his trade as a drug dealer/bookie/pimp extraordinaire to his exclusive Wall Street clientele [myself included]. His rather grubby life took a turn for the better when a very senior member of the European Central Bank while in the Big Apple for a series of high level meetings. [Code for a drunken binge ending in a hotel room in a cocaine induced coma in bed with two prostitutes] placed with Gustavo, a spectacular, ruinously large, and incorrect wager on the outcome of the 2010 World Cup.
His notional job was to fabricate statistics
The only way the hedonistic central banker could settle the debt to Gustavo and avoid meeting Roscoe, Gustavo's 300 pound [136 kg.] 'Manager of Accounts Receivable' was to offer Gustavo a highly paid sinecure at the European Central Bank [ECB]. Overnight Gustavo moved from Brooklyn to the Champs-Élysées, as the new director of Global Statistical Creation at the ECB. His notional job was to fabricate statistics to support whatever fantastical money printing and debt strategies the central banks around the world were espousing to stimulate growth in the world economy. Remarkably Gustavo's skill with numbers, coupled with his complete lack of morals and ethics, topped off with an almost sociopathic form of narcissism allowed Gustavo to excel at his job. In short order, his skill and his willingness to blackmail his colleagues ensured that he was the de facto head of the ECB and seen as leader in the Global Central Banking community.
I would probably be a 'Guest of the State for a nickel or a dime
At that fateful moment that had changed Gustavo's life forever I had been supplementing my Wall Street income by acting as a driver for Gustavo's employees. I had become privy to the hedonistic central bankers dilemma when I picked up the two prostitutes after their rendezvous with the central banker that fateful night. In addition, my friendship with Gustavo made me well aware of the staggering number of high crimes and misdemeanors he had committed. I had enough information to put him away for a thousand years. [If the information was made public I would probably be a 'Guest of the State for a nickel or a dime myself but I was prepared to take the risk.] This knowledge ensured that Gustavo always took my calls. He was always willing to share a little inside information to help out an old friend/blackmailer.
Reflect on these questions
Dear Reader, while you may still be dubious about the source of my information and the veracity of my thesis please continue reading. As you read please reflect on these questions:
How much gold is there in the world?
If gold were to replace fiat currency how many ounces of gold would there be for each person on the planet?
How happy would governments be if gold replaced Fiat currency?
You have to come to Kentucky immediately
Dear Reader now for the exciting part. Your patience will be rewarded. Imagine my surprise when I got a panicked phone call from Gustavo. The call came at a most inopportune moment as I was in the midst of enjoying the effects of a significant Jack Daniels day-buzz. It was time to get up and make some lunch anyway so I raised myself off the floor and answered the phone. As I made my way to the kitchen I listened to Gustavo's hysterical tirade. "David, I need your help, you have to come to Kentucky immediately" Gustavo was almost crying." I had not spoken to him since he humiliated me in Paris [but that is a story for another day]. While I was still angry at him for "throwing me under the bus" in Paris I sensed an opportunity. "Why, pray tell, would I go to Kentucky? Gustavo". I queried. He was almost incoherent and probably drooling as he spat out his answer. "David, I am supposed to address a top secret meeting of the world's central bankers being held at the United States Bullion Depository [AKA Fort Knox] tomorrow. I am the keynote speaker. The subject of my speech is Gold, Fiat Currency, Global Debt, the inevitable collapse of our monetary system as well as car allowances for central bankers." [I thought it amazing how bankers could find time to discuss car allowances at a meeting focused on the collapse of our global monetary system]
I smelled a Pulitzer Prize
Gustavo continued, "We are going to be instituting huge changes to the global monetary system. I must prepare the central bankers for the upcoming turmoil so that we can maintain order. Unfortunately I have reacted badly to what must have been a bad batch of Crystal Meth that I mistakenly combined with a bottle of Chardonnay [Salon Blanc de Blancs Le Mesnil-sur-Oger 1997]. I need to move around in a wheelchair for a while. I need you to push me in my wheel chair at the top secret meeting tomorrow. The secrets that we share ensure our mutual destruction should they be revealed, hence you are the only one I trust to keep my embarrassing condition from the media. Pick me up at the University Of Louisville Hospital at 9 am tomorrow morning. I have arranged for a limo to pick you up, it is probably outside your door now. It will take you to a private jet at La Guardia, you will spend the night at the Louisville Quality Inn near the airport and pick me up in the morning." I was insulted that he assumed my personal and professional calendar was so bereft of activity that I could simply drop everything to come to his aid. Sadly, my calendar was quite nugatory. Other that my bi-monthly visits with my parole officer life was quite quiet. However, I felt that attending a super-secret meeting of Central Bankers to discuss gold and the collapse of the global economy might well prove to be the opportunity that would catapult my career to the pinnacle of success. I smelled a Pulitzer Prize. I wondered when the deadline was to be nominated for the 2014 award.
A thunderous round of applause greeted his arrival
"Gustavo", I replied "I will put everything on hold and I will be there for you. You can count on me". In a New York minute, I gathered my suit from under the bed, my shirt and socks from the laundry basket, and my-pre knotted tie from the lampshade, then headed out the door. I will not bore you with details of my journey. Suffice to say 22 hours later, after a pleasant flight [piloted by a remarkable woman by the name of Ima Beauty] and a restful sleep I found myself pushing a wheelchair containing a somewhat pale and shaky Gustavo Laframboise-Pierre into the Main Auditorium inside the fabled Fort Knox. A thunderous round of applause greeted his arrival, the central bankers, leading representatives from the banking capitals of the world, representatives of the financial regulators from the four corners of the globe, as well as lobbyists from every major industry were effusive, almost hysterical in their fawning, fulsome and enthusiastic welcome.
It revealed an artist's rendering of a renovated Fort Knox that had to be 10 times the size of the current building
The attendees were obviously thrilled at the arrival of their favorite 'rock-star' central banker. As I moved him to the microphone, the curtain behind the podium was unveiled to reveal an artist's rendering of a renovated Fort Knox that had to be 10 times the size of the current building. Where was this leading I wondered?
Let me issue and control a nation's money and I care not who writes the laws
Gustavo began his presentation by asking everyone to "rise and recite the sacred words of the primogenitor of all bankers, Mayer Amschel Rothschild , founder of the House of Rothschild, Gustavo lead the audience in a recitation of the sacred words that guide all central bankers. "Let me issue and control a nation's money and I care not who writes the laws". The audience complied in a reverent, almost messianic fashion. Gustavo continued, " Seven years ago the world's central banks launched, with great humility, operation "Grand Slam" in an attempt to formalize our control of the world. I am pleased to report that we have been successful beyond our wildest dreams. The entire world now waits breathlessly to hear even our most random thoughts on the subject of money and debt. Like the most frenzied drug addict, the world is perpetually desperate for our next thought or action." As you know we have been monitoring political activity around the globe for a sign that the masses were suitably numb and unable to think clearly, prior to taking our next step.
The new government's platform was a promise to spend money like a 'drunken sailor in port'
Gustavo, gaining momentum in his presentation said, "I am pleased to announce that the voters in the province of Ontario [Canada] have given us that sign. A government with a proven track record of corruption, waste, mismanagement, hubris and narcissism was reelected in a landslide victory. The new government's platform was a promise to spend money like a 'drunken sailor in port', add substantially to Ontario's already monstrous deficits and debt, and then in a feat of magic, worthy of Merlin the Magician, to impossibly balance the governments books in three years. The masses will now believe anything". This is the moment we have been waiting for. We must now put an end to the dream on Main Street that there is an alternative to Fiat currency. In 1971 our forebears thought they had accomplished this by directing Richard Nixon to end international convertibility of the dollar to gold on August 15 1971. Sadly although our actions were successful in creating governments, who would continually take on debt [54 trillion in global government debt as of this morning], our actions were not ferocious enough either in 1933 or 1971 to crush those malcontents who continue to this day to believe that gold is a suitable alternative to fiat currency. We will not make the same 'rookie mistake' twice."
The only item that remains is to select a crisis to misdirect the public's attention
Gustavo was becoming manic in his presentation. He continued, "It is time for us to complete our quest for world domination. In three weeks the world's central banks via our acolytes, sycophants and toadies [by this I assume he was referring to elected officials representing the masses in government] will announce our intention to confiscate all personal holdings of gold. This will be done at the same price as we did in 1933, $20.67 [USD] In effect we will have a 'do over' of Executive Order 6102 signed on April 5, 1933, by President Franklin D. Roosevelt which "forbid the Hoarding of gold coin, gold bullion, and gold certificates within the continental United States" That order allowed our progenitors to criminalize the possession of gold by any individual, partnership, association or corporation. This ensured that all gold in the USA had to be turned over, to the US government on or before May 1st 1933. [Thus the need to construct the United States Bullion Depository, popularly known as Fort Knox, but really it is adjacent to Fort Knox.] We made some 'rookie mistakes' that time. We only confiscated the gold in the USA. This time the confiscation will be done on a global basis. Secondly we exempted things like jewelry, some industrial use gold, gold coins etc. We will not make that mistake twice. Furthermore, unlike Executive Order 6102, this order will never be repealed. The only item that remains is to select a crisis to misdirect the public's attention as we steal their gold. Please fill out the ballot you were given when you entered."
All the 'usual suspects' are on the ballot
Gustavo instructed the audience. "The ballot offers you the chance to vote on which crisis-du-jour on which we will blame our actions. All the 'usual suspects' are on the ballot, as well as a few new ones." I looked at my ballot. He was right. They were all there, Global Warming, the Middle East, Al-Qaeda, generic terrorists, Republicans, Democrats, Green Party, oil shortages, environmental concerns, the Middle East, China, Iran, corrupt politicians, were amongst the many options.
I do not expect you to talk, I expect you to lie.
Gustavo directed the audience, "Please give your completed ballot to Mr. Strangework, the stout man dressed in a Tuxedo and wearing a Bowler hat, on your way out." At that point, with great temerity a hand was raised in the audience. After receiving permission from Gustavo, he stood up and prepared to ask his question. He introduced himself as Auric, Gilbert Auric, a functionary at the Bank of England. I learned later that the man was hopelessly delusional. He had gone so far as to change his name as an homage to the most 'Famous Gold Bug in History'. In any event, Mr. Auric obsequiously continued with his question. "Mr. Laframboise-Pierre, when this information is released to the public there will be many questions. Do you expect us to talk"? Gustavo looked fierce, he arose from his wheelchair, stared at the audience and said sternly "No, Mr. Auric, I do not expect you to talk, I expect you to lie."
You should be ashamed to call yourself a gold bug
Dear reader if at this point you cannot deduce the identity of the most famous Gold Bug in history, after all the less than cryptic hints I have given, you should be ashamed to call yourself a gold bug.
By financial discomfort I assume he meant penury for Main Street
In any event after the standing ovation Gustavo received following his announcement subsided he continued his remarks. "We realize that our actions may cause some financial discomfort for Main Street. We feel however that the benefits of our actions far outweigh the costs. We feel it is reasonable to ask everyone to sacrifice a little for the greater good of society as a whole". [By financial discomfort I assumed he meant penury for Main Street and by society I assume he meant the 1%.]
Gustavo was on a roll now
Like you Dear Reader, I was appalled to hear the 'Facts on the ground' stated so clearly. Our governments had become quite clearly, servants of the Central Banks and Lobbyists. While many of you have likely suspected this reality, it was shocking to hear it declared as a fact in such an august and powerful setting. Gustavo was on a roll now. While still a bit unsteady he remained standing and explained to the audience. "In order to ensure your own personal and professional financial safety we will allow all of you here today, in the weeks running up to the seizure of the world's gold, to put in place your trading strategies in anticipation of the 'Mother of All Insider Trades' This will allow you and your organizations to profit beyond your wildest dreams when we 'drop the hammer' and reduce the price of gold to $20.67 USD.
They were all grinning like Cheshire Cats
"In the weeks prior to the event our shills on Wall Street will pump the price of gold to $2700/ounce. Then, the 'Axe will fall'. Depending on the trading strategy you have chosen, we anticipate you and your organizations should collectively profit in the amount of 8.3 trillion dollars". [In researching this commentary afterward, I learned that $8.3 trillion was roughly equal to the value of all the gold that has ever been mined in history.] Gustavo raised his voice as he said, "I believe that we can count on the world's Securities Regulators to turn a blind eye to this egregious insider trading in the interests of the long term benefits to mankind". He smirked as he said these words and looked up at the private box that contained most of the world's securities regulators. They were all grinning like Cheshire Cats and giving him the 'Thumbs up'. Clearly even securities regulators would like to be billionaires.
It is even possible that some small benefit, in the form of jobs, will trickle down to Main Street
Pandemonium erupted in the room as everyone realized they were going to richer than King Midas. Even the North Korean delegation seemed to be quite 'stoked' at the thought of vast personal wealth. The issue of car allowances for central bankers seemed somewhat irrelevant now. Gustavo gestured to the room and asked for quiet. "As the new leaders of the world we will continue to encourage all manner of civil and nation-state wars. We will keep the perceived threat levels permanently elevated to ensure a continued production or war material. We will remove pesky environmental protection laws, and we will outlaw any car that gets more than 10 miles to the gallon. The oil industry lobbyists were ecstatic. Other similar actions in other industrial activities will also be forthcoming. The profits we enjoy from these activities will quintuple. It is even possible that some small benefit, in the form of jobs, will trickle down to Main Street". After all, he grinned, "Who will clean up the inevitable toxic spills and fight the wars our actions will cause?" The audience doubled over in a cacophony of laughter at Gustavo's 'bon mot'.
Gustavo actually genuflected as he mentioned the name Rothschild
Ladies and Gentleman, Gustavo concluded, "I thank you for your attention. We have a lot of work ahead of us. It will be a difficult journey, but the rewards will be commensurate with our efforts. I would like to conclude my remarks by giving credit to the individuals who created this masterful plan and set it in motion many years ago. Let me read to you a quote from the letter that set the wheels in motion in 1863. The letter is from the Book of Rothschild, Chapter 11 verse 3-12". Gustavo actually genuflected as he mentioned the name Rothschild. Gustavo read the quote, "The few who understand the system will either be so interested in its profits or be so dependent upon its favors that there will be no opposition from that class, while on the other hand, the great body of people, mentally incapable of comprehending the tremendous advantage that capital derives from the system, will bear its burdens without complaint, and perhaps without even suspecting that the system is inimical to their interests." The Rothschild brothers of London writing to associates in New York, 1863."
Beam me up!
As the audience exited the auditorium and handed their ballots to Mr. Strangework, I slowly wheeled an elated and exhausted Gustavo off the stage. I reflected on what I had heard today and felt somewhat ill. Clearly there was a 'world of hurt' coming in Main Streets direction. Should I expose the banker's nefarious scheme or should I use the information to become obscenely rich. This would require some serious thought. As we made for the exit two extremely large private security guards grabbed me, threw a bag over my head and hustled me into a waiting van. I heard Gustavo as I banged my head getting into the van. "David", Gustavo pleaded, "I am sorry my old friend, but I cannot let you out in public until we have executed our plan. You would be far too tempted to expose our actions in order to win your coveted Pulitzer Prize. You will be released after our efforts have succeeded." I could not believe it. He had thrown me under the bus once again. I hoped the prison to which I was being taken had internet access, as the guards had neglected to find the smartphone I always kept in my sock. Desperate times require desperate measures. The words of Captain James T. Kirk, Captain of the Starship Enterprise, a man who had vast experience in crisis management, came to mind. I closed my eyes, clicked my heels together three times, and uttered the immortal words, "Beam me up Scotty, I think I am in trouble again."