My latest sure-fire, money-maker idea is to sue Yu Yongding, former bigshot with the Chinese central bank, for plagiarism, as he is the guy who said that "If the US can find a way to protect China's assets, America's standing here will increase."

My case is built on the fact that he said, repeated so as to make sure it is on the record, that "If the US can find a way to protect China's assets, America's standing here will increase."

I am suing because this is identical - identical! - to what I said a long time ago, which I am sure you will readily see when you compare his obviously-plagiarized remarks to my original, "If you think that you can find a way to stop the inflationary suicide caused by the over-creation of money and credit, especially when used to finance massive government deficit-spending over the long-term, then you are in the category we professionals call Stupid-Plus-Insane (SPI), because the Entire Freaking History Of The World (EFHOTW) is one long, discontinuous, sad story of how one idiotic government after another cheapened its money by massive over-creation of money, or going into un-payable debt, or both, and thus destroying the economy until the idiots in charge found an excuse to declare war on someone either smaller and/or more lightly armed, and merely steal their stuff with which to pay debts."

I am sure that you can already see the obvious similarities with just that little introductory bit, but which is brought into sharper focus when I continued, "And if you DO find a way to painlessly deflate these horrid monetary bubbles, then you will go down in history as the Smartest Person Who Ever Freaking Lived (SMWEFL), since all the smartest men who EFL before this all tried, with emergency governmental powers unfettered by man or gods, to find a way to bail dirtbag countries out of their bankrupting debts and associated government idiocies, and they all failed miserably."

If there is any doubt left in your minds, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this Yu Yongding (if that is his real name, which I doubt because it sounds like he made it up to me!) plagiarized the official Remarks Of The Mogambo (ROTM), then explain the devastating similarity between his comments and my concluding remarks, which are "All of them failed, completely, to achieve this very thing, and which makes me laugh uproariously - hahahaha! - at anyone who still thinks it is possible, and if that is you, then I extend my promise to devote the entire rest of my life to bringing your Fabulous Big Plan (FBP) to the world if you succeed in finding a way to bail out a heavily-indebted, bankrupt, something-for-nothing welfare country that abuses a fiat currency and unlimited fractional reserve banking, coming as it does after all these many, many centuries of everyone looking, looking, looking to desperately find a painless solution to this Same Stupid Problem (SSP), which means you won't succeed, but thanks for trying, moron!"

I plan on using the big cash award from the jury's verdict to buy gold, silver and oil, which will not solve anything other than my own future well-being, since these things will soar in price because of the inflation in prices from all of this inflation in the money supply from all this inflation in government spending.

Maybe this ease of investment decision-making is why the Chinese are buying gold, the Russians are buying gold, all the smart people are buying gold, all the good-looking people are buying gold, and why Bloomberg.com reports that "Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Co., the third-largest U.S. life insurer by 2008 sales, has bought gold for the first time in the company's 152-year history to hedge against further asset declines."

In case you were wondering, they bought about $400 million in gold, which is interesting in that later, the article quotes CEO Edward Zore as saying that "In the Depression, gold did very, very well."

The ominous reference to a Depression aside, what he did not say is that over the long-term, gold has always done very well. Neither did he comment on my lawsuit against Yu Yongding, nor did he squeal like a happy pig in his joyful glee that "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!" when you can so easily bet against government stupidity!