"I know there is opportunity, just like I know you ruined my life! That is why I am buying gold, silver and oil at these ridiculously low prices, so that when they soar...I will be rich, rich, rich!"

"Here Is An Article For Your Favorite Mining CEO" is the title of an essay by Peter Degraaf writing at FinancialSense.com, spreading the word of Bill Murphy and GATA.org exposing the slimy manipulation of gold by central banks and the International Monetary Fund, which is surprising to us full-time idiots and/or part-time parents, as everyone else already knows that the Federal Reserve and the IMF are - as are all governments and other central banks - full of liars, thieves and morons, who, in this case, "treat gold that had been leased to bullion banks and sold into the market as if it were still in the vault!"

He says, "Imagine if an entrepreneur was running his business in this underhanded manner - how long would the government allow that?"

Well, I don't know about entrepreneurs, but I do know about scared and desperate worthless little weasels like me! And as the unofficial spokesman for all the scared and desperate worthless little weasels of the world who don't want to get what we deserve, I say - this gives me a great idea for a problem I have at work!

From now on, I will similarly treat anything either sent to me, or returned by an angry customer demanding his money back, as still being in the possession of the disgruntled client/customer! Thus, they never sent me anything, see? It's brilliant!

And if they say that they did send me something, then they are lying because, thanks to my simply declaring it all to be somewhere else, it obviously can't also be here, a paradox already disproved by the Firesign Theatre, who famously said, "How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?"

And this "you never sent me anything" goes double-ditto for any snotty letters to me or my boss disparaging my intelligence ("irritating drooling halfwit"), my work performance ("shocking incompetence"), and/or my grasp of social conventions ("lying, filthy little bastard").

Now, thanks to this wonderful new ability to simply declare Where Things Are (WTA), everything is now magically "back" with the hateful little people who sent me all that stuff to start with! Hahahaha! This WTA is great stuff!

With a smile of self-satisfaction in having handled that so well, I now have Marlene working the shredders, full time, because if letters and incriminating evidence are still back with the customer, then they cannot be here, and by God, they soon won't be as long as those shredders, and Marlene, hold out! Hahaha!

But this sleight of hand will not forever solve the government's dilemma about gold, and one day there will be some excess of people who want their physical gold bullion and who are trying to cash in the Comex futures contracts, and the gold will not be there. What is gold worth, then?

To ponder this, I had locked myself safely inside the Mogambo Ironsides Bunker (MIB) and I was telling my family via intercom that we are freaking doomed, and there is nothing but despair and misery ahead of us now that the Federal Reserve has destroyed the economy by creating the excessive amounts of money and credit that allowed bubbles in the sizes of government (which are the biggest in history), the prices of stocks, the prices of bonds and the prices of houses and the destruction of the dollar's buying power.

I explained to them that my logic is simple; that I would rather be in here, alone, without my family around to remind me of how they ruined my life!

After a brisk conversation about who actually ruined who's life, the point they were trying to make was not their usual whining about how I am a terrible father and husband (which is the point that they always try to make), but that there is always opportunity in crisis! "Come out and get some opportunity!" they chimed cheerily!

At this, I am thinking to myself, "Yeah, I know! I know there is opportunity, just like I know you ruined my life! That is why I am buying gold, silver and oil at these ridiculously low prices, so that when they soar, thanks to the roaring inflation that will be caused by the Federal Reserve creating so much money and credit so that the Congress can spend so much money, that I will be rich, rich, rich! Then I can afford to send you all to places that are far, far away from me so that I don't see you, smell you, or hear your disparaging remarks all the time ('You're weird, dad!'), where I can walk around in my underwear anytime I want and there won't be anyone here to say things like, 'Oh, dad! Gross! For crying out loud, put some pants on! I think my girlfriend's mother is going to puke!' and my wife won't be saying, 'Yeah, gross! I have to see him all the time like that when you kids aren't here! And worse!' and the kids all went 'Ewwwww!'"

So, curious about why in the hell they would be talking about "opportunities", I looked out of the periscope of the bunker and I noticed that they had a piece of paper that they were trying to show me, which turned out to be by John Rubino of dollarcollapse.com, writing, "focusing solely on the bad news ignores the other side of the coin: Problems create opportunities, and big, complex problems create vast opportunities."

Well, I figure that now that the Fed has promised to create unlimited amounts of money and credit - which will come in real handy since the Congress is full of people who want to "do something" by spending lots of money - the White House will be full of people that want to "do something" by spending lots of money; and the world is full of people wanting governments to "do something" by spending lots of money. The only question is: where to spend all of that money that is politically popular and eco-friendly?

Mr. Rubino sees immediately where I am heading with this, and instead of congratulating me on my keen, incisive intellect in ferreting out the nub of the problem, he instead seems to imply that I am, as usual, late to the party, which he wordlessly seems to prove by displaying his book titled Green Money with the subhead Picking Winners in the Green Tech Boom.

I admit that I have not read it, not only because I am stupid, but also because I have a short attention span, the comprehension skills of a mental defective and zero retention, rendering me unable to read books that have more than a few pages, and which are mostly pictures of choo-choo trains or kittens.

And anyway, reading makes my eyes hurt because would also have to try to be looking up and down, up and down, focusing and re-focusing to keep an eye on the wife and kids, all of them "making dinner" in the kitchen and acting pretty damned suspiciously, just to make sure they are not putting something in my food.

And while he is certainly onto something, now that unlimited amounts of money are being promised to be spent, I remain a gold, silver and oil kind of guy because, as the quintessential stupid guy, I need something brainless. And there is nothing more brainless than gold, silver and oil when the Federal Reserve is being allowed to act like this!

Whee! This investing stuff is easy!

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